Yoli Tamu, Mother-Daughter Bonding Strategist

Challenges & Distractions: Friends, Part 2

“Friendship…is not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.” –Muhammad Ali

Friendship and community are a major contributor to our emotional well-being. We tend to look for people in our lives that we can count on to vent with, cry with and simply enjoy life with. Many times our friends turn out to be the ones we trust the most in our lives, even before our family members. There’s just something special about having a close and dear friend in your life.

However, friends often bring the same family habits and resentments into relationships with people they consider their trusted confidants. What may start out as a safe place to express oneself can quickly turn into a dumping ground that only serves to benefit one person in the friendship; the one who’s doing MOST of the complaining. This unbalanced way of communicating nurtures and develops resentment that can also lay in wait until something triggers it to show itself. This is why sometimes friendships fall apart. There doesn’t seem to be a desire to understand one another; only a desire to overpower one another into being who they need them to be for that moment.

This one-sided approach to communicate causes pain and a betrayal of the relationship is sure to follow. Betrayal comes in the form of gossiping about the other to people outside of the trusted relationship or bringing up past conversations from a venting session that was supposed to stay between the two of you. Yes, friendships can be the most rewarding relationships you’ll ever have and the most painful.

Fortunately, they are also the best way to truly learn about yourself! You will find out immediately or over a long period of time if someone truly shares your common core values and beliefs. If they don’t, then be grateful for the opportunity to learn more about what you will and will not tolerate in your life AND move on to the next friendship. Believe me, new opportunities to meet like-minded people are not hard to find when you become certain about who you are.


Cherish the experiences you have with the people you choose to have in your life. Do your best to make a well-informed decision about those people, and be thankful for the opportunity they gave you to learn a little more about yourself!

Stay tuned next week for Part 3 of “Challenges and Distractions: Love Partners”,

In the meantime, let me know what you think about friendships and how they impact the REAL you below…

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