Yoli Tamu, Mother-Daughter Bonding Strategist

Challenges & Distractions: Family, Part 1

“Happiness can only be found if you can free yourself of all other distractions. “

Saul Bellow

What does a typical day look like for you? Do you meditate or wake up with a personal mantra before you start your day? Do you have a special prayer for God that you carry with you throughout the day? How often do people or circumstances distract you in your life? All of a sudden your mantra or special prayer is suddenly forgotten or replaced with fear and anger because someone cut you off on the freeway or someone close to you betrayed your trust. Wow! I’ve definitely been there! A few times!!!  In this 4-part blog, let’s discuss how we can improve our responses to people and circumstances around us!

Do your responses to life’s challenges reflect the real you or do you have an alter ego that steps in to speak through a fearful, angry, broken spirit that used to be you?

I ask myself these questions everyday before I rise. I affirm my day and pray to God for a purposeful learning experience that will draw me closer to Him and who He wants me to be. But, relationships!!!…aah. We can’t live with them, but we most certainly can’t live without them! Especially, our family and friends! What a special group of people they are, right?  They certainly know how to push our buttons.

For many of us, loved ones can certainly hurt your feelings and cause you to doubt yourself.  I don’t mind a little criticism IF it’s constructive. But, when someone close to me intentionally hurts me out of anger or resentment or even pure envy, it really knocks me off my feet and takes a little while for me to recover. Now, of course I’m no angel, and I try my best not to intentionally hurt others. I actually enjoy seeing other people seek and find their happiness in this challenging world we’re living in. In fact, the joy I see in others reminds me of the joy I have in myself. Do you enjoy seeing other people happy?

Many of us trust with all our heart, and as a result of past family generation cycles, our family members are not able to trust as easily as they may have a long time ago. For some families, it seems like pain has lived and traveled its way through the blood line and secrets have found a safe place to lie dormant until something in the new generation lights a spark in the familiar pain of the past causing an uproar in the family. I think uproars are OK if they are addressed in a healthy manner and acknowledged as being remnants of past experiences. Unfortunately, those experiences allowed time for a false sense of security to develop and created barriers that block the way we communicate with family today.


The good news is that we can break the cycle and demonstrate to our family members how valuable open communication really is. Is there someone in your family you wish you had better communication with? Instead of forcing a conversation, be an example of someone who is open, willing and accepting of the people around you. Your energy may strike up a conversation you never expected.

Stay tuned next week for Part 2 of “Challenges and Distractions: Friends”,

In the meantime,  let me know what you think about family generation cycles and how they impact the REAL you below…

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